| Kickass |
[14 Oct 2006|02:47pm] |
*dusts off the journal*
So this guy named Muhammad Yunus kicks ass. He got the Nobel peace prize, but the way he got it makes me want to buy this guy a beer. Basically what he did was, he went to all these really poor villages and gave all of them loans (some as small as $9, none more than $100). Not handouts, not charity, loans. Like the kind you have to earn and pay back. And they did. They used that money to consume what they needed from the American economy to start small businesses. 99% of the people he loaned money to payed it back. Instead of being a tool and handing out charity and alms to people, he gave them a means to make money while encouraging the integrity of the workers by demanding a return on the loan. Poverty ends by producing wealth, not redistributing it, and the Nobel people finally get this. Rock on.
On this theme, I was thinking the other day about Ground Zero, as its still in talks whats to be done about that location. There's too camps on the issue that I'm aware of. One thinks that this space should be a memorial to those who died in the attacks and a testament to the American spirit. The other realizes that this is probably the most valuable piece of real estate on the planet, and want to capitalize on it. These two don't have to contradict, and I don't mean to include a memorial inside or on the top of an enormous productive skyscraper. The huge towering mini-metropolis that will be built there [i]is[/i] a tribute to the American spirit. New York and specifically the towers were a target of terrorism because they represent everything that the irrational want to destroy: productivity and human achievement. Not Imperialism or world domination, but wealth. To create anything in that space that doesn't raise the living standard for everyone in New York and the world would be submitting to what they were trying to prove.
In other news, Architecture is awesome. If you live in Boston and want to hang out, let me know. I live at home but commute to school in Boston now (Wentworth).
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[16 Apr 2006|12:05am] |
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Sweet Hebejesus I love my live journal theme more than ever.
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| Convertible |
[06 Aug 2005|01:30pm] |
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music |
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Otis Redding - Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay |
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When I eventually get a car, my liscense place will be: PWNT11
-End transmission-
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| Pretentious |
[29 Jul 2005|03:39pm] |
I read this quote today:
"Every single human being,
when the entire situation
is taken into account,
has always,
at every moment of the past,
done the very best
that he or she could do,
and so deserves neither blame
nor reproach
from anyone, including self.
This, in particular, is true of you."
It seemed very wrong the first time I read it, but I wasnt sure why. I thought about it for a bit, and figured out why. I understand what is being said, that people do the best with what they have, but if your best is shit and is unjust and goes works toward your own or others' destruction, then you are to blame for it. Even if what you do is good, it is your "fault." If you dont see them as mistakes, or even your fault, you will continue to do "your very best". This quote takes into account the person's past, but denies the existence of a future. It attempts to justify all actions, including evil, and at the very least satisfaction with mediocrity. This is like saying "I did the best with what I had, dispite the fact that I denied and prevented myself (or others prevented me) from having certain things." This also counts for onlookers, who might see an evil action, and under this theme, deny it the conviction of evil.
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| We are the fringes of infinity on the never ending fractal. |
[05 May 2005|11:04pm] |
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mood |
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She-bang!
Quarks everywhere, then they place dice with eachother. If two dont get along, they repel. If they dont, they stick. A bunch stick, a bunch dont. The ones that dont keep rolling. The ones that stuck wait around for the next round. Finally all the quarks find themselves in happy little atoms. Imbalance strikes again. Not happy for long, fuckers. Lets play dice again. The ones that can play nice, make our first molecules. Some atoms are chill, and remain single. Balance? Who needs it. Molecules are picking fights with the neigbors. Those rouge atoms get sucked into the fray, tipping the battle into a draw. Sometimes into over-time. Slowly things settle down. But whats this! A constant barage of photons ~12/7? Like gunfire into blindfolded crowd, molecules get knocked off their feet from the chance confrontation with a photon torpedo. Some of those pacified molecules suck up some of those sweet rays and get even more of the silent-bob atoms. The constant photon assault keeps things cooking, so to speak, and long arms of atoms, all sitting pretty, form the stringy fractals of molecular complexity. The whole gig gets its fair share of rouge recruits too, apparently they like to hang out and mosh in nearby clubs titled 'minerals' and 'non-minerals.' So those fingers of the intricate keep getting fed and keep getting longer, if able of course. Now strings wrap around strings, held together by some helpful bricks from Amino Construction Inc. Skyscrapers, Do Not Apply. These get higher any chance they get. Now bridges built between the towers, made from a good deal more than just brick. Tower clusters joined by roads. Continents connected by boats and planes. Cell- er, planets form. Most dont last too long and disband into space, only to be collected later. One planet just isnt satisfied happens to keep getting bigger, pulling in more than it needs to be content. With the nightclubs of atoms and the photon torpedos from the abyss, it keeps growing. Too big in fact, it splits. Rinse and repeat. Soon this cellular gluttony keeps the whole lot of them moving. Depending on the neighborhood, different designs work better verses the imports. The cells find other cells, some related, some not. They form chains like the towers, interacting with other towers. Into cities, into worlds. Complex worlds. But those complex worlds dont head to kinkos to make a copy of themselves, they pull the same things the cells do. Assuming that there are doubles of each color candy in the bowl, two people can have their own bowls to be happy. But what if that bowl split and there werent any doubles, so each person had something different. Well, they do 50% of the time. But if they pool all the candy, they at least have a bowl with all the candy colors. They agree that neither should have it, because there isnt enough for both, so they leave it on the ground. Well, all the ingredients for the planet, animal, thing. But this creature knows nothing of those who survived to get it into existence, so only its survival is a tribute to the potency of the genes. Some of these organisms kept alive and working by showing the blueprints for one half, the other holding what those two halfs are going to need. Sometimes just putting it in a container with enough supplies works well, but the same problem with the tribute to potency thing. Some keep that, well, egg, for a good deal longer, as long as possible actually. When that sucker can breath on its own, its out. But it cant get what it needs for life. Now not only is the security in the genes existent, but mommy and daddy also give good advice. This would-be helpless beggining now has a hand to guide it. Strategies for these creatures get better, as well as a few of the lesser models. But none compare when youre being taught how to use tools to maintain survival. Tool users learn and make better tools. It just makes sense to make them when ya need them. Fast forward a few thousand years. Cavemen with computers and a whole lot of oral history. A good deal of them working tward making survival with our material and spiritual a whole lot easier. But, some of them arent. Who needs balance? We do.
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[21 Apr 2005|05:26pm] |
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music |
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Barry white |
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To anyone reading this entry, if you have, or plan to have kids in your life time, do me a big fucking favor: answer their goddamned questions. If I have to hear another 4 year old ask '[parent or guardian], why cant you see the stars during the day' and the parent replying 'because stars are only on one half of the sky, sweetpea' I'm going to kick said parent in their respective genetalia, really fucking hard. If you dont have at least an elementary knowledge of how reality works, then do not spawn. When you answer your kids' wonderful little questions with correct answers, not only are you educating them at a point in their life where they are absorbing every morsel of information in the world like a maxipad in that blue liquid stuff, but you are a good example, showing them the virtue of always asking 'why'.
So the lesson is for soon-to-be-shitty-parents: Don't mate, fallate.
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| Read my 8 page paper |
[23 Mar 2005|01:13am] |
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mood |
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Debussy - Beau Soir |
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Denying any part of reality has disasterous consequences. Whether someone cares to admit it or not, they have trusted and indulged in the concept that there IS a reality, that they do in fact exist. You must take for granted that the food you are eating exists, and that you are putting it in an existent body, to perpetuate the existence of your minds consiousness, in turn allowing you to percieve what exists beyond it. However, in the society that humans now live in, there need be only a small fraction of the thought to survive than our ancestors. We dont need to spend days hunting and gathering or migrating, or simply living in fear of harmful weather, diseases, or even other people. What else do we think about then? Because most of us dont plant our own food, we must achieve something of equal value to trade for what we need to survive. Again, the minds main value is life, and in order to survive, one must take for granted the fact that existence does exist. However, often people will deny parts of reality in order to decieve oneself to feel happy or accomplished. For example, one may deny that stealing is wrong, because their survival comes first despite the means. Indeed one could get away with this for a while, but when their actions have consequences that contradict their perception of what will happen, we often get anxious. Its the idea that a contradiction can exist in a reality based on concrete non-contradictory laws that intuitively, almost instinctually, sends a person into mental disarray. It is this intuition that is our very 'feel' for reality. We all have a basic set of intuitive understandings about our reality and the existences therein. We have to in order to survive, even if we arent hunting (food shopping) for ourselves. To use a muscle, we usually dont consiously think "contract this muscle, and relax the opposite" we just think "open the door" and our intuition takes care of all the details. If muscles would sometimes, say, explode when we used them, (dispite the fact that this would be impossible and contradictory because muscles arent made of explosive material) we couldnt use our intuition to guide us through using them. Because of the simplicity of the mechanisms that are muscles, and the predictability of their actions, we can quickly (usually even before birth) learn to utilize them intuitively. When we can do something intuitively, our minds are in direct harmony with the very nature of the object or phenominom. This applies to other things of course, beyond our body. This is one of the things that seperate humans from other simpler organisms. We can use our minds, not only to build the concepts of tools based on our previous knowledge of reality, but to make those the very extention of ourselves. through living, we learn to understand the nature of an object, and learn what it can and cannot do. We can extrapolate and interpolate using different concepts, drawing conclusions about reality based on our knowledge previous. We can look at the front of a house, and based on our experience we use our concept of house-ness to make the assumption that the house has a back to it. When we reach for an object, we can judge its weight based on evidence of size, shape, make up of the object despite that we dont actually yet know the true weight of the object. Essentially, our minds are not only designed to survive, but to gain intuitive knowledge of the world (our reality), so we can think less about things that dont need any extra thought.
As was mentioned before, an individuals first goal in life is to survive. When we die, so does our existence as we percieve it. Thus the very essence of life is the goal of staying alive. Although, to reach this, we must set other secondary goals. Some have very little to do with the actual act of surviving, but they are essential in their own right to our lives, because they are our values. Now say that we have two goals that we can work tward at the moment. One provides instant physical and mental comfort, where as the other one is very beneficial to us in the long term. The average college student knows this struggle all too well. We have an existentialism paper due, but wed rather take a 14 hour nap. Writing the paper in advance has a very beneficial long term influence on your grade, therefor your GPA, therefor your resume, which you can use to help in finding a job. This in turn improves your life, and ability to live. However, it isnt due for a while, and wed rather sleep. Sleep helps us now, paper helps us later. This seems fine, as we can just do it later, but we know that if we just slept a few less hours, we could get a lot done. This knowledge of being literally too lazy or unwilling to do something does not help us twards our goal of long term success. However, we took the nap anyway. This more often than not will cause us to feel guilty, and ashamed of ourselves. Because we dont desire to change our goals and values in life from 'well paying job' to 'professional sleepaholic,' we end up convincing ourselves that parts of reality dont exist, or are justified. Even though we are indeed achieving another goal by getting rest, we know that we cant be a sleep major and an unconsiousness minor. So what is our solution? Usually rationalization. "Oh, ill just get a lot of sleep, then work on it right when i wake up," "I have plenty of time to do it," "I had a long night, i could use some shut-eye" are all exaples of rationalization. Because we feel ashamed of ourselves, we often will deny the fact that we did anything wrong. We deny responsibility to our actions, and blame it on things we had no control of. But our own actions wouldnt have existed if we didnt, so how can we possibly deny responsibility for something that is completely our choice of doing? (a collective action is impossible, only an individual can act, although a group of people can be individually performing the same action. Thus one cant ever make the claim that someone acted for them.) Often we will rationalize until weve convinced ourselves that weve done nothing wrong. We do this to shake the anxiety. This is the very anxiety whose purpose is to set you in the direction you are supposed to be going, rather than influencing you to rationalize our desisions, therefor doing the exact opposite; taking us further away from our objective.
Our emotions (such as anxiety) are a kind of biological motivation, which are very closely related to our intuition. Negative emotions arise when we deny reality, essentially our intuitive understanding of reality is in direct contradiction to our thoughts at the moment. positive emotions arise when our thoughts are in direct accordence to reality. We feel anxious when we do something wrong. We feel happy when we accomplish a goal or do something we believe to be morally right. We feel sad or upset when we desire something in reality to be true, and it isnt or cant be and we havent come to terms with it. We feel happy when we have come to terms with reality and understand it. We feel distraught when we arent able to do something that we desire to do, especially when we dont know how to get better, when we intuitively feel that it is actually possible to get better. We feel happy when we have an epiphany, or just simply learn something, or find the right path which will lead us to our goal. But again, the whole concept of life being finite and rather fragile, forces us to actively engage in the persuit to stay alive. Thus, this initiates a hierarchy of goals and values which we deem nessesary to our existence, and perpetuating it.
Our intuition is our feel for all parts of a phenominom or existent in reality. This allows us to use, say, a hammer as effectively as possible. We dont think about our muscles moving, or how we hold the hammer, we just intuitively understand all possibilities that could occur given the nature of the object. We can just create a goal, and our intuition does the rest. We think "hammer nail" and we strike it on target, as many times as needed, simply due to the sheer predicability of a hammer. Again, if hammers acted randomly and didnt always follow the laws of physics, it would be literally impossible to master the hammer. Because it exists in a reality that apparently is based of concrete rules (again, whether it is an physical world or just an elaborate dream world we percieve beyond ourselves) we can understand every detail of its nature with practice. We begin to construct a concept. A concept forms when we compare two or more phenominoms based on their similarities and differences. We can pick up a smaller hammer, and using our concept of hammer-ness we can use it just as effectively, once we discover its inate diferences. Furthermore, when we use the new hammer, our concept and definition for 'hammer' is becoming more refined. Just as when we are young, our concept of 'fish' may simply be 'something that swims' but as we get older, our concept of this phenominom becomes more refined, possibly including biological knowledge and the like. Its our intuition that makes the split desision to throw our arm up and cover our head at the sight of an incoming football, or for the athletically inclined, to catch it.
Furthermore, our emotions are what tells us and motivates us twards further intuitive knowledge. Its a biological drive that gets us to move twards a goal that we have set for ourselves. Just as we feel hungry to get us to eat, we feel anxiousness, anger, frustration, or sadness when we are doing something we have determined as wrong. And in the same way that we cant rationalize a steak dinner into our stomache, we cannot create things in reality by simply desireing them to be there. We must act, and we know this. Only if we convince ourselves that we arent capable of acting, will we rid ourselves (often only temporarily) of our anxiousness without actually making a real active change tward our goals and values. However, we usually have the ability to act, despite our self-constructed beliefs. Even in rationalization to avoid the feeling of anxiousness, we are calling upon self-evident examples in reality to justify our feeling, like calling upon extenuating circumstances to justify a nap to avoid a paper. However, even though our rationalizations are usually based on reality, we are still working twards denying the importance of other goals. Our rationalized reasons often can be constructed ourselves. The best examples are impossible to prove logically or forensically, and can be very convincing to oneself and others. But there is one factor that is impossible to deny, no matter how persuasive you are: reality is still there. Our intuition still only accepts what is truth, factual, verifiable, and in essence predictable. It is for this reason that even if someone has still completely decieved themselves, they will still be fundamentally anxious or unhappy, especially when something in reality uncovers their charade. Also, they must still go on living if they desire to do so (this can be assumed, because there are lots of unhappy and anxious people who are still alive, and to be found at restaurants) and this requires some interaction with their reality, which is handled mostly by intuition. The person will rely on reality for some things, but deny other parts. The fact that they are still interacting with it will cause guilt, because they are denying other parts. How is this possible?
Such ideas as god, fate, destiny, religion in general will make one feel justified for denying parts of reality, dispite their own subjective intuition. We will use faith to assert that there exists a god, and that ones actions are inconsiquential, or even inevitable. The existence of god cant be logically and scientifically proven, although the argument for it can be convincing if one wont question deep enough. Its this level of believability and persuasiveness makes religion so attractive to those trying to deny reality. However, reguardless of the intricate webs we weave to justify our actions or lack thereof, we still desire to live. To live, one must interact with and understand reality whether we steal our means of survival or create them. To understand it, we must accept the axiom that existence exists. The very fact that we are conscious (implying that consciousness must always be consious of something, even if it is itself) is our proof that reality exists. But because they are convinced that reality isnt what it is, often their actions wont be for a goal. At least, the goal wont be directly tied to survival. The goal of their actions may be to surrender to Gods will. What does an action based on that premise help in our own survival? When thinking of an answer, consider that it is essentially impossible to link it to survival logically, because the very goal is mystical and imaginary. Its very goal is to deny reality, despite that the very action is anchored in reality. A church exists. Kneeling exists. Holy books are made of pages which are made from substances that in no way could form by themselves by the entropic workings of nature. Entire moral codes are written with ultimate goals and values being something other than survival. Whether it be for the security of feeling that ones after life will be satisfactory (the afterlife being a perfect example of and idea that is not logically or scientifically verifiable, but survives in an active and sometimes fearful imagination.) or just providing justification for ones illogical actions.
So the order goes something like this. We feel a desire to do somethign that hinders the progress to an important goal of ours. Instead of being honest with oneself and getting rid of our goal or admitting that it is not important to us (the act of which might even lead to our own deaths, such as using drugs for pleasure dispite the risks), we will convince ourselves that our actions are inevitable, or restrained by extenuating circumstances. If we base them on realistic ideas, we can decieve ourselves for a while, but the 'realistic' ideas are fundamentally flawed. Later, we can take solice in our own decision for inaction by falling back on a religion whose main premise for things that directly contradict their ideas is 'they are there to test our faith.' As a result, our actions arent for the goal our of own survival but for the denial of parts of reality, dispite our desire to stay alive. The extreme case is using religion to justify theft, slavery, and overall injustice in order to keep a group of individuals alive. The domestic case is using force or intimidation and falling back on a religious concept as justification in order to essentially get another human life to provide for their inaction. The innocent end up paying the toll of another persons burden of anxiety. Denying reality does indeed have disasterous consequences, but this says nothing about who pays these consequences.
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[07 Mar 2005|04:52pm] |
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Wilco - Ashes of American Flags |
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I walk onto the subway, and right away notice a man in the crouded subway car. He had a heavy beard and a face that looked like he had been smiling for 20 years, and had a good reason to. The rest of the lot seemed weary and guilty, as most people tend to look. There was another guy, about 6'3, 250, mid 20s and could hold his own in a fight, but his eyes told that he fights for the wrong reasons. At every stop, he would loudly proclaim how everyone was rude, and ignorant for not saying 'excuse me' or politely making way for people exiting the train. After the apparent ignoramouses exit, he would procede to let out a few snide racist remarks, just loud enough for the whole car to hear, but in the tone of voice that plainly demonstrated how terrible he was at pretending to make the comments under his breath. People near by either looked away with pained looks, or turned to him with glazed and wavering eyes snickering and shamelessly grinning at his remarks. I get a phone call, and my voice causes his head to quickly jolt around, just enough to catch a glimpse of my side of the train. The look in his eye seemed to project the look of an animal being cornered by the fear of its shadow. Later a man got on the train and reached for the rail on the crouded train, and lightly brushed his arm. He went on to call him rude, ignorant, and classless, not ceasing until he got a rise out of the man who said simply 'I'm not ignorant.' The muscles in his arm holding the upper railing flexed, in plain view of everyone around, including the man who wasnt ignorant. "Say excuse me next time, you ignorant fuck" if I remember correctly. Preaching manners and class with a side dish of intimidation. The man looked away, wincing, as the entire car went silent, waiting for a surprise ending. He turned to the few people next to him, made a few more insinuating remarks and lapped up his praise. I turn to the old man with the beard; he seemed to be waiting for me to turn to him. We make eye contact for about 5 seconds, long enough for him to say 'You know that he is wrong, and that he cant take away from you.'
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| Hot off the press. |
[10 Jan 2005|05:24pm] |
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Fucking freezing, |
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Ben Harper - Burn one down |
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This just in, people still read Adrian's journal, despite the fact that he never updates! Fascinating!
Well, here is the obligatory yet entirely insipid update on the recent happenings in my life.
-I'm still on winter break for another 2 weeks. At which point I will resume classes 3 days a week.
-Braun and I hung out and jammed pretty much every day/night of vacation. However, we have yet to write an entire song end to end. I'm too stuck on writing a song that is absolutely perfectly what intend it to be, representing all that I am (not) capable of. In contrast, Braun will write a song about boots. I feel a little beatle-esque band chemistry at work here. Braun is anchored more in strong good sounding and spontaneous songwriting, and Im anchored more in perfectly verbalizing my own ideas into lyrics. Indeed, I need much more work than he does.
-I got a new jacket. Wait, even I barely give a shit about that. Wait, never mind, its suede and I love suede. But rain doesnt. Pitty.
-I didn't starve to death. Pitty.
Now for my rant about what I plan on doing in the coming months. Because publically writing about things I havent actually done yet helps to motivate me.
-I desire the ability to do one armed pushups on a whim. So, I work to attain the strength to acheive this herculean feat.
-I want to learn how to play bar chords, so I may be a decent backup guitarist if need be. Expect nothing more, because guitars are hard.
-I will surgically remove 3 ribs in order to win a hot dog eating contest.
-I plan to work more on my engine. If you are mechanically inclined, and I trust you, I will let you in on plans with that. Oh yea, it doesnt use pistons.*
-I am making a mod for Half-life 2. If you are a nerd, and posess computing/artistic/programming/dark magical skills of any kind, have 50 bucks, and enjoy error messages ruining 3 hours of labor, then purchase a copy of Half-life 2 (subsequently falling in love with the Source engine and all its glory) and IM me.
-I might get a job. Doing what, I dont know. How I will get there, I dont know. This translates to Adrian not actually getting a job.
I want to be a hobbit, and Ringo is my favorite Beatle. Just throwing that out there.
As for the regular philosophical blurbs, dont expect any in journal entry form. I'm slowly focusing my method of expression to the medium of lyrical madness and songwriting.
Leave good comments, because those will be infinitely better than this entry by default.
*Enforcing that your average car-jock need not apply. My old roomate doesnt count, he rules.
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[10 Jan 2005|02:03am] |
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Beatles |
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No one reads this anymore. For good reason.
[head falls off]
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coldwontrise's journal